Sunday, March 27, 2011
Entry 10: On the bright side.
These guys are pretty phenomenal. This video is definitely more opinion than anything, but most of the time they are ridiculously informative.
They had a series of videos on being open minded, and I definitely recommend you check it out.
Yeah.
Things are going good right now. Work was stressful for a bit there, but I'm officially off closing shifts, so that feels really good. I'm also trying to hang out with more of my friends, since it's come to my attention that I haven't seen some of them in like, a month with no good reason.
I guess I have a bit of a cycle... I'll be all for socializing one week, and want nothing more than to hole up in my room doing nerdy things the next. Eh, that's just me, I guess. Everybody wants to be alone sometimes.
In the last couple of posts I got into some pretty personal things, and while I don't mind sharing anything about myself, I really don't want for this blog to turn into Danny's Therapy Corner. I guess I set out with the goal of relating my perspective as an introverted social retard, but I also wanted to keep it entertaining and share stupid links... I've definitely fallen behind on the stupid links.
Next time...
Friday, March 18, 2011
Entry 9: Falling into place.
Turn up the bass, put on some headphones, and listen to this:
Hail to the Thief came after Amnesiac, so it's possible that the matching chord progressions in these two very different songs was a bit of an easter egg... I don't know for sure, but I think it's pretty goddamn cool.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and didn't really want to get into it until I'd come to some conclusions. To be perfectly honest, I was considering moving to Vancouver for a while, but I've decided against it. I guess I realized that I was unhappy with my life, and was desperately looking for ways to shake shit up. Turns out I don't really need to.
A few weeks ago I was hanging out with some friends and just having a blast, and I came to the realization that I can be happy even if I am single. It's just always such a struggle for me... I've gone through a pretty long streak of being sad and alone, punctuated by relationships that ended just as they began-- and usually ended with the sentiment "I thought I really liked you, but now that I've gotten to know you, it's just... not the same."
Fucking pitiful.
Anyways, that's why I pressure myself, and that's why it never works out, and that's why I obsess over it to the point where my happy/sad switch has been contingent upon my relationship/alone switch.
Of course, now I realize that I could've been happy the whole time, and that I've been taking a lot of really great friendships for granted by just choosing to be miserable instead of appreciating all that I have.
All I can say now is that I apologize for being so self involved that I've somehow become absent from my own life.
Ah well, the main thing is, I'm optimistic now.
Hail to the Thief came after Amnesiac, so it's possible that the matching chord progressions in these two very different songs was a bit of an easter egg... I don't know for sure, but I think it's pretty goddamn cool.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and didn't really want to get into it until I'd come to some conclusions. To be perfectly honest, I was considering moving to Vancouver for a while, but I've decided against it. I guess I realized that I was unhappy with my life, and was desperately looking for ways to shake shit up. Turns out I don't really need to.
A few weeks ago I was hanging out with some friends and just having a blast, and I came to the realization that I can be happy even if I am single. It's just always such a struggle for me... I've gone through a pretty long streak of being sad and alone, punctuated by relationships that ended just as they began-- and usually ended with the sentiment "I thought I really liked you, but now that I've gotten to know you, it's just... not the same."
Fucking pitiful.
Anyways, that's why I pressure myself, and that's why it never works out, and that's why I obsess over it to the point where my happy/sad switch has been contingent upon my relationship/alone switch.
Of course, now I realize that I could've been happy the whole time, and that I've been taking a lot of really great friendships for granted by just choosing to be miserable instead of appreciating all that I have.
All I can say now is that I apologize for being so self involved that I've somehow become absent from my own life.
Ah well, the main thing is, I'm optimistic now.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Water over the bridge.
Every year.
Every year I think about it... I try to ignore it, but I still end up giving it some serious consideration. Should I send her a message?
Happy Birthday.
Just two words.
It doesn't have to be anything more than that... but I know that's not true.
If I say anything, I risk rebuilding this bridge. As much as I want to... I know that some things are better off broken. I know if I start, I won't stop. I'll gravitate back into her life.
I'll hate it.
And she'll hate it.
After all these years, I'm still in love with her.
As long as that's the case, I cannot be her friend.
So every year, I think about saying it...
and every year, I don't.
Every year I think about it... I try to ignore it, but I still end up giving it some serious consideration. Should I send her a message?
Happy Birthday.
Just two words.
It doesn't have to be anything more than that... but I know that's not true.
If I say anything, I risk rebuilding this bridge. As much as I want to... I know that some things are better off broken. I know if I start, I won't stop. I'll gravitate back into her life.
I'll hate it.
And she'll hate it.
After all these years, I'm still in love with her.
As long as that's the case, I cannot be her friend.
So every year, I think about saying it...
and every year, I don't.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Selected Shorts & Interpretations
As with all music references, I feel inclined to link the song, so here you go, from David Bazan's solo album.
How I Remember by David BazanInstead of getting into what's going on with me now, I'd like to share a memory that will stay with me until the day I die.
I think it was '07 and I was in Value Village shopping for action figures with Stu and my then girlfriend Katja. She gave me a big kiss while I was in the middle of the sentence "Mighty Max is rad!"
It's the little things that make life worth living, and that little thing felt like a milestone for all of nerd-kind.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Entry 8: Great on Paper
I think I need a second opinion on this...
This is one of my favorite songs, and the music and video both evoke strong emotions... the video just stops making sense to me about half way through.
Friend A: So what's the deal with Dan? He seems like a really nice guy, he's funny, decent looking... why is he always single?
Friend B: He's just really fucking shy.
And there you have it. The blueprints for a fully functional human being. It works great in theory, but field tests have proven a complete failure. Maybe this prototype would be best suited to online dating.
It's no nascent realization that I'm better at talking in text than with my own two lips. I have a lot to say, but I'm a social aberration. My longest relationship was with someone of a similar bent, and we'd spend the day together in complete silence, then she'd go home and we'd talk about it over msn. Perhaps that's why I miss it.
Don't get me wrong, prose is no substitute for human interaction, it's just what I'm good at. It seems like a strange incongruence though; if you're good with words, you're good with words. But what if you're bad with people?
I used to go through life adamantly proposing that I didn't give a shit what people thought of me. There was some degree of truth to it, but it only applied to people as a whole. The the nameless crowds of high school jocks and bleached blonde airheads who'd never know me. Once I had a connection to somebody, the whole hypothesis folded, and nobody could care more what others thought of them. I guess that's where all the pressure comes from. I have a lot to say, but my mind is swimming with doubt, and any stream of consciousness I had ends up dammed.
So I write. Even if I do have those same doubts, I have the time to collect my thoughts and put them into words. Every time I write, I get to see the real me. Unencumbered by all those second-guesses. I see the potential for a real social animal.
It remains a mystery to me, but with some people I just click. I have friends that would never describe me as shy. I have friends with whom there is never an awkward silence... and I don't know what element is the cause. Around some people, you can't shut me up, I just love to shoot the shit. I look back at these interactions and ask "how is this me?"
Perhaps an anomaly, perhaps not... I think a contributing factor is probably an excess of X Chromosomes... seems like it wouldn't make that big a difference to somebody of my persuasion, but who knows? Maybe I'm a closet heterosexual.
Even that speculation has it's flaws though... I've had girlfriends who would never describe me as shy.
Sometimes I think it's all a matter of interests... if we like the same bands or movies, that's something to talk about. But there are people I have nothing in common with, and we still manage to have endless discussions.
I'm at a complete loss...
I feel bad, because I'm friends with some really great people that are going to have to patiently wait while I slowly emerge from this cantankerous shell. It's really not fair, and I wish I could just hit the switch that makes me real. Perhaps a drinking problem wouldn't be amiss.
It's funny, I have the perfect personality type for substance abuse... but somehow it just doesn't happen.
But enough about me, how was your day?
This is one of my favorite songs, and the music and video both evoke strong emotions... the video just stops making sense to me about half way through.
Friend A: So what's the deal with Dan? He seems like a really nice guy, he's funny, decent looking... why is he always single?
Friend B: He's just really fucking shy.
And there you have it. The blueprints for a fully functional human being. It works great in theory, but field tests have proven a complete failure. Maybe this prototype would be best suited to online dating.
It's no nascent realization that I'm better at talking in text than with my own two lips. I have a lot to say, but I'm a social aberration. My longest relationship was with someone of a similar bent, and we'd spend the day together in complete silence, then she'd go home and we'd talk about it over msn. Perhaps that's why I miss it.
Don't get me wrong, prose is no substitute for human interaction, it's just what I'm good at. It seems like a strange incongruence though; if you're good with words, you're good with words. But what if you're bad with people?
I used to go through life adamantly proposing that I didn't give a shit what people thought of me. There was some degree of truth to it, but it only applied to people as a whole. The the nameless crowds of high school jocks and bleached blonde airheads who'd never know me. Once I had a connection to somebody, the whole hypothesis folded, and nobody could care more what others thought of them. I guess that's where all the pressure comes from. I have a lot to say, but my mind is swimming with doubt, and any stream of consciousness I had ends up dammed.
So I write. Even if I do have those same doubts, I have the time to collect my thoughts and put them into words. Every time I write, I get to see the real me. Unencumbered by all those second-guesses. I see the potential for a real social animal.
It remains a mystery to me, but with some people I just click. I have friends that would never describe me as shy. I have friends with whom there is never an awkward silence... and I don't know what element is the cause. Around some people, you can't shut me up, I just love to shoot the shit. I look back at these interactions and ask "how is this me?"
Perhaps an anomaly, perhaps not... I think a contributing factor is probably an excess of X Chromosomes... seems like it wouldn't make that big a difference to somebody of my persuasion, but who knows? Maybe I'm a closet heterosexual.
Even that speculation has it's flaws though... I've had girlfriends who would never describe me as shy.
Sometimes I think it's all a matter of interests... if we like the same bands or movies, that's something to talk about. But there are people I have nothing in common with, and we still manage to have endless discussions.
I'm at a complete loss...
I feel bad, because I'm friends with some really great people that are going to have to patiently wait while I slowly emerge from this cantankerous shell. It's really not fair, and I wish I could just hit the switch that makes me real. Perhaps a drinking problem wouldn't be amiss.
It's funny, I have the perfect personality type for substance abuse... but somehow it just doesn't happen.
But enough about me, how was your day?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Entry 7: Future
I just wanted to put these two things next to each other. For those of you that don't know, Radiohead is kind of a big deal for me, and Paranoid Android is where that all started. As for Apogee, I don't listen to a lot of Jpop, but Apogee I like. I watched this video, and I gotta say, after the first twenty seconds, all I could think was "this is basically Paranoid Android through Japan-o-vision."
Don't think for a second that that's not a compliment.
Haven't posted in a while... I've been pretty ill, but I'm getting back to normal.
Lately I've been putting some serious thought into going back to school... if you know me well, you know that I say this all the time... I get caught up in the daily grind though, and I know it's a shit excuse, but there it is.
Anyways, this time around I'm actually holding myself back because of uncertainty... I've got to do some serious thinking.
I've been listening to the entire Adam Green discography again... I don't know what it is, but I can't stop singing along. I really don't think enough people listen to Adam Green... I know profanity and gibberish aren't for everyone, but I swear to god, there's so much meaning in there somewhere!
As Salvador Dali said, "just because I don't know the meaning of my art, does not mean it has no meaning."
I don't tend to keep up to date with musicians I like... I just found out a month ago that the Flaming Lips put something out after At War With the Mystics... yeah, two albums! So it also took me this long to check out the music videos from Adam Green's Minor Love.
Okay, I can't tell you how happy this video makes me! I just love all the awkward stares. This must have been so fun to make, and I only wish I could've done it.
Lol artz!
There are two or three more from Minor Love, but these are my favorites. I highly recommend checking out his earlier albums too... while I do like the newer albums, the older stuff is still some of my favorite.
If you're gonna start anywhere, you should probably start here:
Well, now I'm just spamming videos, so I should probably end this before I make a top 10 list of youtube poops.
Peace and Love
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Entry 6: Stardate 2011
So Christmas was busy and I never managed to post between then and now. A lot more socialization than I'm used to. Definitely a lot of fun though. I wish I had the time and resources to hang out like that all the time.
New Year's Eve... To be truthful, I secretly spend every December 31st in a deep depression, and usually I have to be badgered incessantly to go out. I don't know what it is... at this point it's probably just a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm sure it also has something to do with the nagging fact that I'm alone every year, and while a new year's kiss isn't the biggest deal in the world, it gets to me.
Nevertheless, I got myself to go out this time, and I was so adamant that I double booked myself too! Unfortunate that I couldn't do both, but I had a really good time at the one. My M.O. lately has been terrible choices, so it was nice to make a good one.
On the topic of choices, I believe some resolutions are in order... most of them are just feats I'd like to achieve in the next 12 months.
Resolution the first!
Get my Learner's License... I've had to ask too many friends to move my crap, it's time to be more self-sufficient.
Resolution the second!
Go to School! It'll be a lot harder to hate my job when I can afford a house and two cars.
Resolution the third!
Exercise! I've been wanting to try Tai Chi for about 3 years and haven't gotten around to it... also I took up running a month ago and got a cold 'cause it's freezing! Maybe I'll save the running for spring.
Resolution the fourth!
Get my Passport so I can go to this year's Blipfest in NY! ...okay, that one might not happen due to lack of funds, but we'll see!
I'll be honest, I could go on like this all day... there's so much I want to change, but if I want any of it to happen, I've got to focus on what's important... like leaving the country to go listen to chiptunes, apparently.
Well, that's all for now. Hope everyone had a sweet New Year's Eve, and I think you should all post your resolutions in the comments!
Later, Phyrexian Negator.
New Year's Eve... To be truthful, I secretly spend every December 31st in a deep depression, and usually I have to be badgered incessantly to go out. I don't know what it is... at this point it's probably just a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm sure it also has something to do with the nagging fact that I'm alone every year, and while a new year's kiss isn't the biggest deal in the world, it gets to me.
Nevertheless, I got myself to go out this time, and I was so adamant that I double booked myself too! Unfortunate that I couldn't do both, but I had a really good time at the one. My M.O. lately has been terrible choices, so it was nice to make a good one.
On the topic of choices, I believe some resolutions are in order... most of them are just feats I'd like to achieve in the next 12 months.
Resolution the first!
Get my Learner's License... I've had to ask too many friends to move my crap, it's time to be more self-sufficient.
Resolution the second!
Go to School! It'll be a lot harder to hate my job when I can afford a house and two cars.
Resolution the third!
Exercise! I've been wanting to try Tai Chi for about 3 years and haven't gotten around to it... also I took up running a month ago and got a cold 'cause it's freezing! Maybe I'll save the running for spring.
Resolution the fourth!
Get my Passport so I can go to this year's Blipfest in NY! ...okay, that one might not happen due to lack of funds, but we'll see!
I'll be honest, I could go on like this all day... there's so much I want to change, but if I want any of it to happen, I've got to focus on what's important... like leaving the country to go listen to chiptunes, apparently.
Well, that's all for now. Hope everyone had a sweet New Year's Eve, and I think you should all post your resolutions in the comments!
Later, Phyrexian Negator.
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